The L word and My Country

Five years ago, I had an undying love for Singapore, including the government. Isn’t that what years of ‘National Education’ taught us- love the government (or more specifically, love LKY), love the country?

I remembered going for the final interview of the United World College Scholarship. Two Singaporean alumnus of the college questioned the government policies and asked me for my opinion on the lack of free speech. I gave them what I learnt in NE talks, with fervour and passion, genuinely believing in what I said.

I said Singaporeans are not ready, not educated enough to understand full democracy, an ideal modeled by the US would only serve to crumble our faith in the country. Deep down, I had this nagging thought that I didn’t dare to face: we’re like domesticated dogs. Take away their alpha leader and they panic. Give them commands and they feel secure.

Now, I’m in Perth. Not exactly the most metropolitan city in the globe, but a truly good enough one for me. I see TV programmes with the opposition leader Kevin Rudd criticising John Howard. I see John Howard pulling up his socks, admitting to his mistakes, trying to improve on his leadership, without losing his sense of self. I see TV advertisements by welfare groups questioning and advocating the abolishment of certain workplace policy. Amazingly enough, some policies were taken down, or modified by the current ruling party. Over in Singapore, discussions were but a farce- policies are to be implemented, whether you like it or not, because our Old Man says “It’s good for you, good for Singapore.”

It might not be the perfect check-and-balance system, but at least there is a semblance of such system. Just a month ago, I had a discussion with my housemates. One of them intern-ed in the Prime Minister Office and she said she loved Singapore even more. I questioned her on the lack of criticisms towards our government. Was she worried about the lack of opposition? She replied in the negative, saying she would never vote for the opposition. The single ruling party allowed our government to be stable, she said.

What about check-and-balance? Who’s going to check on them and ensure their policies are workable, for the larger good?

“There’s no need for that,” she replied firmly. “It’ll be good because PAP’s recruitment process will only allow wise leaders to practise the best choices.”

“Don’t you want a say? Their policies will affect you,” I further probed.

“I know it’ll affect me. The government will allow a say, look at all those discussion forums. If they really believe it’s good for us, they will try to convince us one.”

I walked away from the discussion feeling very perturbed. She is of same age as me, but years of being inundated by NE propaganda seemed to work on her. Maybe she really does love Singapore? Do I love Singapore?

My Australian mates have asked me similar questions. “Singaporeans don’t seem to like Singapore a lot hey?” Brent asked wryly, when I first went drinking with him. Surprised, I stopped a drag halfway on my ciggie.

“I do like Singapore. I like that my family lives there, the food, the shopping. But that’s about it. After a while, I felt stifled. I had the urge to always wear what other people are wearing, to follow what the government say, and to always say Yes.”

He didn’t reply, probably overwhelmed by that burst of verbal diarrhoea or didn’t have the intellectual ability to understand what I said. (I think it’s a combination of both.) I thought of how I felt when I first started University. Why are people asking questions? How do they ask such intelligent questions? I have no opinions and even if I do, I have no idea how to voice them out. It took me awhile before I could fully participate in tutorial discussions, criticizing, debating on the relevance of economic theories in today’s world.

Wasn’t I taught that in Singapore? I don’t think so. I’m taught to memorise the theories word for word, I’m told that if I leave the second part of the theory I would get 2 marks deducted. I’m taught that to obtain a distinction for that question I am to apply the theory to real life examples. Other than that, I don’t think I’m taught anything else.

So yes, I will try to stay in Perth, in Australia, even though that would prove to be a very, very difficult endeavour. I would need to go through millions of paperwork, find an employer who would want to employ me on a higher-than-average salary. But I will try and if I fail, returning to Singapore would still be the last thing on my mind. I am thinking of Vietnam, China, Taiwan, or if I’m bored enough, London. Singapore doesn’t need me, a measly journalism graduate. They want angmohs because they can speak better angmoh. Either that or they have a giant hoard of NTU mass comm. wannabes queuing up to get a sad 1.5K per month, 60 hours work per week junior reporting job.

Arthur, this guy with a nice heart but has big mouth that’s disconnected from his brain said this to me when I told him I’ll try to stay in Perth: “Well, Don’t forget ok. You will always be second-class citizen. Always.”

The ‘Second-Class’ citizen can get a “job transition” payout, a sum of money that I can claim from Centrelink if I am leaving, or quitting a job and in the midst of looking another job and a better superannuation payout, as compared to CPF. I have retirement benefits, pension scheme from the government. I can get MediLife insurance. Of course, I have to pay a higher tax, but at least I know what the government is doing with most of the money, no?

So what’s the good about being a Singaporean First-Class Citizen?

On the Hilarity of National Education

“Do you like Tooheys?”

“Very much. Nothing like Australian Beer.”

“So what beer does Singapore have?”

“Erm, this brand called Tiger. I think it’s sold here. The pub owner must be crazy.”

“Why do you say that? Hey I’ll go buy half a pint and try.”

(thinking Brent just meant it as a joke) “Yeah. Go ahead.”

After half a cigarette and two sips of Kilkenny later, Brent came back with something that vaguely smell of piss.

“OH FUUUUUUCK! shit, it doesn’t taste good hey..”

I laughed too hard to reply. Man, that guy is a gem. Wholesome entertainment on a Friday night.

Becoming Conventional

Okay, the ‘Impending’ paper is no longer impending. In fact, its status was stripped 3 bloody days ago- I’m just too jaded to do anything else other than chill and catch up on the neglected housework.

Goodness, how terribly unsexy. I sound like some idiotic wuss who writes about wanting to get married, learning how to be a good wife, cooing over babies… yucks.

On the other news, Gav said I really should take away the self-annointed title of Domestic Goddess. Apparently that’s for “wholesome, clean women with short,sensible permed hair and believe that pleasing a man in bed means bringing a beer and a bowl of chips to the bedside table”. (His words, almost exact.) So, Domestic Slut? I was vacuuming the bloody filthy house with an apron on (a free one cos that was from my previous cafe job, i always wear apron when i do housework, can get very messy you know) and i actually toyed with  the idea of wearing nothing but the apron.

HA HA HA!

Ok but i didn’t cos Annie (Miss CB- Crazy Butch or Chee Bye, you choose) might just pop back into the house to grab some stuff and I cannot imagine the embarassment I would have to endure. Also, the idea of exposing my clean skin while emptying the vacuum bag isn’t very attractive. Despite Gav’s egging, Miss T stayed pure and chaste (insert snide giggles here) and continued to plod around the house with the noisy vacuum cleaner wearing a coral blue long sleeved fleece sweater from U2 and frumpy, sg-preppy, FBT shorts.

Plus, Miss T has put on weight.UGH. I blame it on the lack of shagging, housework and shopping trips. Oh, and the insatiable cravings for chocolate and savoury hot meals to counter the chilly weather. Miss TumTum is back with a vengeance, I am worried that a set of 40 sit-ups daily might not scare her enough to retreat. JigglyThighs™ like to tag along with Miss TT as well and worst of all, DC (DoubleChin) and Co. has carried out a full-fledge corporate expansion on my visage, acquiring two failing companies: Neck Pte Ltd and Jawline Inc.

The no-shag status is overrated by ‘well-meaning’ friends. Seriously. No guys currently and something tells me this is a giant mistake, not a solution on its own. Okay, so the G and Gav thing is spiralling out of hand, I feel awful, really I do. So efforts have been made to not see and talk to both of them, though the latter is almost impossible.

In fact, the more i try to distance myself, the more Gav tries to gambol towards me. Weekly exchanges become daily, the colder my replies, the further he tried to get me out.  There’s something particularly endearing about this that i cannot put my finger on, not that I should try to since common sense should prevail, right?

Ok I don’t need an answer, Never Mind.  

Lesser updates next week- Parentals are coming over and its time for me to erase all traces of men in my life here and present the sight of a clean, chaste, value-driven Asian female.

Woo Hoo.

Them! Yes, THEM!

OH MY GOD ELIZABETH!!!!

I actually found a couple of blogs from my… previous high school.

Aargh!

I never like any part of my high school life, other than the fact that I did relatively well for my leaving exam and could smirk at those horrendous teachers and stupid nerds. I know I’m being horribly unorginal by saying this: but internet really makes the world so much smaller.

Like, this person, whom I remember was obsessed over her first boyfriend. MrPuppyLove’s name consists of the chinese characters of orange, green and red.  In COMMEMORATION of their undying love, she got her friend to go to the bubble tea shop opposite our school to snuck straws of these three colours.

And what’s new? she still can’t spell properly. Blue dude, not B-L-O-O. and not HARLOW, but HELLO. H-E-L-L-O.

Weird.

Never mind.

What about her ‘best friend’, who, incidentally, called herself my best friend as well, only to end up bitching to the whole world about me? thanks woman.

I remembered hanging out with her all the time, cos, well, she’s a good listener and we all have teenage angst we need to vent hey? Noooo, it seemed she did me an extra favour by broadcasting it with extra tidbits added to them as well.

So you decided to be an accountant? Good on you, I always knew you have the calculative streak .

Or this person who used to sit in front of me with her ‘best friend‘. Person’s best friend used to bitch behind her back that she has body odour, is selfish, nosensical trivial things like borrowing her pens constantly… yada yada yada but amazingly, are still mates till this point of time.

Miracles of friendship, man.

Or Nuha? oh man, i remembered her for her petite lanky figure with thick black eyebrows and long black, immaculately braided hair. She’s the class jester- I love how she almost drove Ms Johara crazy.

and her! and her sidekick, her! I remember the latter who had this ‘boyfriend’ from the neighbouring school. (we’re a single sex school, you see, and most of the straight people in my school get their boyfriends in co-ed school around our area)

Amazing. It’s like highschool reunion, with a security barrier that allows you to gawk openly at them.

Epiphany and its discontents

Ok those who are familiar with Stiglitz economic literature will know that the header is a pun-play on one of his famous papers that blamed the IMF and US treasury for their high-nosed, heavy handed policy in Asian countries.
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Anyway.

So, epiphany. Perhaps it was the constant berating from people who say they genuinely care about me- I’ve decided to stop this Friends with Benefit thing and wait around for a proper nice guy.

Ugh, it’s so conventional and predictable, entirely non-Miss Teleiophilia!

Problem is, the circles i hang out in are characterised by a serious deluge of non-stable people who’re looking for no-strings fun as well. Yeah yeah, I know you are screaming the ultimate cliche: “Because birds of the same feather flock together!”

Yawn, tell me something new please.

Do I have a choice really? or rather, the notion of a proper nice guy; I think it’s just a mere myth after all (not including my best guy friends who are out of bounds). Yeah, Gav can be The Proper One but I want the excitement of getting to know someone new all over again! Besides, we have shared too much information about each other. How am I going to introduce him to my parents when he confessed to me, three months ago, that he has this unfulfilled fantasy of fucking a midget?

And. How am I going to visit his parents (I have given him five different excuses already. , help me think of another one please) when I stupidly blurted out that his father looks really cute and fuckable?

(And I actually had something going on with his father?)

Ok, I shall insert a new charater of Mr S from this point onwards.

I met Mr S in a bar. He’s a friend of a friend, single (double confirmed by his mates who happened to be my mate’s mates as well. whew that’s a mouthful), and work in the IT sector.

I hear angels sing! Windchimes jingling! The ground moving! IT! A no-nonsense, boring, proper sector which means he’s gonna be

1) proper

2) nice

3) shy

4) passively intellectual

So, I smiled alot that night (probably brought about by the extra gin and tonic my mates ordered for me) and he smiled alot to me that night too. He did ask for my phone number which I attempted to act hard-to-get and gave him my msn instead. (I know. MISS TELEIOPHILIA YOU ARE SOOOOOOOOOOO RIDICULOUS!!!! AARGGH!!! )

MSN revealed that yeah, he’s options (2) and (3). He’s stupidly glib-tongued which i can;t stand and worst of all: he attempted to mask his lack of intellect through saccharine sweet, diabetes-inducing talk.

No no, i;m not exxagerating. look.

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s**** says: (6:05:09 PM)ur quite sexy

s**** says: (6:07:09 PM)i like how u look

s**** says: (6:33:08 PM)ur a very cute girl

Miss T says: (6:51:53 PM)You’ve only seen me once. and don’t be fooled by the display pic, , it;s the power of photoshop.

Miss T says: (6:52:55 PM)i can make Yoda look like a pretty girl with photoshop

s**** says: (6:53:05 PM)hahahaha, sure sure… cheeky!

s**** says: (6:53:27 PM)u look very nice to kiss

s**** says: (7:08:23 PM)how cum u dont have a bf?

Miss T says: (7:10:26 PM)well, i had. past tense.

s**** says: (7:41:48 PM)r u busy babe?

Miss T says: (7:42:00 PM)nah, just watching teevee

s**** says: (7:42:18 PM)what ya watching?

Miss T says: (7:44:08 PM)scooby doo

Miss T: (7:44:21 PM)i remember going crazy over the cartoon series when i was young

s**** says: (7:44:39 PM)hehehe me too… wish I was there with u just snuggling on the couch as we watch it

Miss T says: (7:49:18 PM)yeah i like snuggling, only with people i like.

s**** says: (7:49:32 PM)do u like me?

Miss T says: (7:52:40 PM)i donlt know you well enough to like u

s**** says: (7:53:44 PM)oh ok

 

*end of MSN conversation while he continued to stay online for the next 23452542423 hours*

 

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1. What’a with the overuse of emoticons?

2. Erm, do u really think I’m an idiot who’ll believe you?

 

People,I swear i’m not playing hard to get, but what’s with the sweet talk dude? think i’m some pre-pubescent naive teenager who’d be swayed by your nonsense?

Sigh, all the effort for nothing. No intellects coming along my way, no decent ones.

 

On the other news, G contacted me, telling me he knows I’m going out with his son Gav.

Fun times, if not for ThE impending Paper.