A matter of time, that’s all

I hereby promise to update this blog more frequently.

Hello Samantha, Hello Brian and Hello Anna. Of course, a gigantic hello to my old friend Elizabeth.

Update of sex life: big fat ZERO. any longer and I think I’ll start evolving in to an amoeba. During random periods of extreme boredom, I will engage in binary fission and divide myself into two Miss Teleiophilias.

Update of love life: surprise surprise, Zero as well. It’s strange how my infatuations come and go- I would read previous entries of my blog and think to myself: OMG was I THAT into him? How in the world did I fall for him?  (insert cliche ramblings here “blablabla there are many trees in the forest and plenty of other fish in the sea blablabla”)

Now now. Miss T has turned good. Very good, in fact. I have a religion now- BOO!

It’s a step I’ve been toying with for the past three years. Now I have finally made the leap and taken refuge (akin to being baptised, I reckon?). Since my religion doesn’t expressively condemn teleiophilia (as long as it doesn’t lead to sexual misconduct??), I am allowed to be who I am.

The devil horns have shrunk back into the cavities of my skull and I have this weird fascination with incredibly nice men now.

No no no, please don’t give me another Russell Crowe. No more rugged features and toying with his unpredictable tendency of lashing out at random people or making love at whim. I’m talking about Geeky nice. Eg: too shy to think about romance.

It’s the challenge, me thinks. How do you turn on someone who thinks romance can only be found in fairy tales? How do you let him have the first taste of something forbidden, before leading him to the path of addiction? Couple that with some nervousness and bewilderment on his part and KABOOM! My loins are on fire!

I sound like a maniac.

So. It wouldn’t come as a surprise for you people that I’m infatuated with a religous figure who has taken a vow of celibacy and is 12 years older than me. (Only 12 years!! Any younger and I would have to change my username already!). This is bad, very bad. I know this will be another fleeting crush, because I’m not patient enough to hang around him when he’s impossible to sleep with. But still. I’m quite sure I’d have incurred some karmic debts as a result of my naughty, very naughty fantasies.

Elizabeth, help!

On the other news, I’m experiencing a quarter life crisis. I have this nagging, inexplicable urge to do something entirely radical to myself.

No, no travelling, stop giving me stupid cliche suggestions!

I’m toying with getting a tattoo (of my religous name and the date I got baptised), getting a tongue piercing or getting a sugar daddy. (Which means I’ll have to sleep with a wrinkly 60-year-old, and frankly, it’s rather uncool.)