Riding on a high

When do you brace yourself for the imminent fall?

End of the chapter of Mr W and I have yet to start a new sealed section of my life. There are a couple of potential segues- Mr P, Mr C, Mr D and Mr G – but I have lost the ability to be recaptured back into the flaming throes of lust and if i may say, love.

Of course, this hasn’t stopped me from having a rather eventful series of nocturnal activities.

In the living room of a dead quiet suburb two nights ago, he had to put his hand over my mouth while I gasped and cried involuntarily during tight spasms of  an orgasm. It was 2am, his housemates were asleep and we came back from a late night drive. There was a momentary flash of bright lust when he was driving and I knew I had to have him there and then. Came up with 1001 excuses why I need to take a look at his house before he realised what I needed and succumbed.

For a first-timer, he did magnificently. Despite the spectacular debut, there wasn’t any reason to see him again. He thought otherwise- choosing to text and call everyday to ask me out. This time, I succumbed. I was his date on Fridays for clubbing, his cheerleader on Thursdays when he went gambling at the casino, his passenger on Tuesdays and Wednesdays when he wanted to go for a drive.

There are questions, of course. “Why don’t you be with him?” most asked. It was difficult to reply. His age, perhaps? Merely three years older than me, full of childish antics and innocent dreams. The continual aching emptiness from the abyss of my emotional health was not filled when we were together. There was laughter, there were conversations and they were quite pleasant. Yet, they were never sufficiently intense or spirited enough. It  felt like I had to settle for something less than what I truly wanted.

It took me this long to confront this harsh reality – I have to go through a lifetime of mediocre relationships because of my strange preference. I wish it is as easy as how they said it.

For now, I’ll teeter on the edge of the cliff before someone kicks me down.

*Thank you for your comment, Sophia. I love Snape too.